OH MA LAWD ITS BEEN A MINUTE.

I feel like I need to redesign and up my blogging skills because 1. I'm from Utah and everyone blogs FTW and 2. I feel inspired. 

I had, as Oprah says, "An Awe-Ha" moment. 

First of all, lets back tf up for a minute. Rewind to early January of 2017 when I had a boyfriend, amazing friends, and lived in the best house with the best roommates on the planet. 

Everything was just fine and dandy until March of that year. I started to notice significant changes in my personality, and it wasn't in a good way. I stopped hanging out with friends because the only time I did have I spent with my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I started getting into big fights/arguments, wouldn't talk to each other, would make up, and sweep all our problems under a nice, cheap, IKEA rug until we'd get into a fight and then take that rug and throw it out the window. 

Let me just get this across to everyone, I thought this was the guy of my dreams. At one moment, I really did see us having a future together and it was frightening, but super exciting for me. I saw me and a few little kids in a nice suburban house, making dinner and taking my kids to soccer practice.

BUT HOLD UP. Not so fast, Hailey. BEFORE I had a boyfriend I swore off marriage and was contemplating if I wanted to get my tubes tied for good! I didn't want kids, I didn't want marriage, and FOR SURE I didn't want to be a stay at home mom?! 

My dream is to become the #1 CEO; create a company that not only motivates people, but inspires them to make an impact as well! I want to change lives all around the globe,  and help with worldly crisis'; basically I want to change lives of people everywhere. 

Being a stay at home mom who cooks for her hubby/kids dinner every night is just not that. 

I'm not saying it's bad to be a stay at home mom. Actually, I thin k it's one of the most impressive jobs somebody can do. It definitely is no easy task! So mad respect to all the moms out there. Keep killin' it.

It's just something that I don't see myself doing. 

Anyways, let me get back to the story before I go off blabbing away about nothing. 

I ended things with my boyfriend in June. Hardest thing I've ever had to do. I never in my life had my heart feel like it was physically being ripped out of my chest.(too graphic??) But, due to multiple reasons, I decided to end things. It really was the best decision for both of us. 

During that time, throughout this entire year, I've been semi-depressed. (I've been in a very dark place before, so I knew this recognizable feeling). But this depression was eating me from the inside out. I didn't feel like myself literally ALL YEAR. I turned into an anti-social girl who was settling for less. I put others goals before mine and I let people walk all over me. 

The sad thing is that I knew the person portrayed on the outside/was shown to the world every day, wasn't the same person screaming to get out from within me. I wanted to be myself so bad, but no matter what it felt like I was stuck within my own mind!

So lets fast forward to now. I moved out of my lovely house, leaving my roommates. I had a few good friends, but my very best girl squad diminished, and I had no boyfriend. Oh, don't forget that I was sent on a deployment in October. 

So here I am, a couple of months into my deployment and have been working so hard to become  a better person and really focusing on getting back to where I once was. 

This past weekend I finally had my "Awe-Ha" moment. 

I finally got a glimpse of what it feels like to be "free" again. 

Its almost as if a switch went off. 

I came to a realization that was me basically saying holy crap, I am 21 years old! I'm so young! 

I noticed that people my age are in such a rush to get their lives together. They need to get a super high paying job, get married, start a family, buy a house; all by the time they're 22! 

Why are we in such a rush? I'm still learning about myself every single day. I mean, I look back 2 years ago and I've changed immensely! I have to enjoy my youth and remember that this is the time to be independent, to be alive, and to do everything you've ever wanted. I'm not saying this isn't the time to freaking go all baller and become hella successful. You still can! Just remember to stay true to yourself.

So my advice is this-

Go live your life in this moment. Don't think about the past, don't think about the future; just be in this moment and thank God that you are young, independent, and aren't exactly sure of everything you want in this life, but you'll know you'll eventually get the answer. Be grateful for all that you have been given, and make sure to make a positive impact wherever you may travel because it might just change your life for the better.

My friends, I have had a whole lot taken from me this year, but I also have been given way more than I thought I could ever receive. 

I am extremely blessed and grateful for everything I have been given. What I know for sure is that there is always goodness around you. You must make sure that you are consistently working on bettering yourself. What you put out into the world will for sure come back to you one way or another.

Happy Wednesday loves.

Have a good rest of your time living in the moment.

-Hailey